Cartopia -
The official site of The Life and Times of Car Johnson

Get your Car on!

Car may not be a secret agent, or a mythical beast cast down to earth to save the world, but he has his own brand of adventure. Car’s the kind of man who hangs around a bar, insulting passerby while neglecting to realize he forgot his pants. He’s rude, crude and… someone who thinks you can catch bees while wearing a bee costume.

With a little help from his less than conventional family--including a motorcycling grandma and a sister who wants him dead but can't quite figure out that you can't burn someone to death with a pocket magnifying glass--Car tries to make a name for himself and find a girl as unique as he is, even if it means going a date with someone who wants him to bury him alive.

The Life and Times of Car Johnson is an insane romp through the mind of a man who doesn't realize just how pathetic he really is. Come on a journey as Car travels the road of life, backwards and with his trusty cow fetus collection, while you ask yourself how anyone could ever think that making a home tanning kit with a flamethrower was a good idea.

Insanity never tasted so hilarious! Now available in mint!*


*Mint not actually included.

*Car bears no resemblance to any person, living or dead. The opinions expressed by Car are not the opinions of any person, living or dead. 



Go on a Carventure! Read the interactive book sample!

(Click the picture below.)




Obstacle course entrance:

The first answer is a freebie. The url is

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